Tag Archives: Utah Jazz

Trip Metal Guide to the NBA Western Conference

Trip Metal is the nebulous growing force, littering the underground with implied confusion. But if you follow the TM on twitter one diversion tactic is the invention of new micro-genres. And what better way to understand every NBA team than a specific genre for them? Now we head west.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Canadian Lean

Get turnt on Wiggins.

Los Angeles Lakers

Hollywood Zepplin

Bloated, weird and old

Utah Jazz

Mormon Skronk

Quin Snyder is becoming as personable as Miles Davis these days.


Sacramento Kings

Gay Boogie

The Future is Now.

Denver Nuggets

Psych Boredom

End The Brian Shaw Era Now

Oklahoma City Thunder

Post Frack

The atmosphere is killing Westbrook’s fashion sense.

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New Orleans Pelicans

Funeral Jass

More like Mardi Grass, amirite?

Phoenix Suns

Desert Stank

Like Meat Puppets II, but not

San Antonio Spurs

T Shirt Tucked into Jeans Core

Drown your kids in the Riverwalk


Los Angeles Clippers

Post Early Skrewdriver

Where have you gone, Donald Sterling Donald Sterling?

Dallas Mavericks

Commercial Jingles for Shark Tank products

No, because it’s different for Mark Cuban. He doesn’t wear a tie.

Houston Rockets


We have liftoff, brah.

Memphis Grizzlies

Goofy Hat Blooze

Like Parrotheads, but worse.


Portland Trail Blazers

Riot Loppz

Robin Lopez In a Dress

Golden State Warriors

Splash Wave

Gett Wett


Butler-nomics: Chicago Bulls vs Utah Jazz


In a continuation of poor shooting nights, Jimmy Butler was not alone in his Bulls brotherhood with an off night. Butler went 5 for 13 for 38.4%. The entire Bulls team shot 33.3% from the field and 30% from three. Butler was the high scorer for the Bulls with 16 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists and two steals.

The Jazz just dominated the Bulls, only giving them 36 points in the paint, with Joakim Noah only scoring one point. Rudy Gobert had 5 blocks of the team’s 8 blocks total.

Last Nights Number: Cleveland Cavaliers vs Toronto Raptors

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The Cleveland Cavaliers lost their 4th straight in a 110-93 loss to the Raptors. LeBron James finished with 15 points and 10 assists, but sat out most of the 4th quarter. But the Cavs could not contend against the Raps and Lou Williams with 36 points.

So, time to panic, Cav fans?

Bonus Number


43 points and 14 boards was the final line for Anthony Davis as the Pelicans beat the Utah Jazz 106-94. Gordon Hayward had 31 points for Utah, but The Brow was dominating the mid-range game and took it to the Jazz all night.

Full highlights via @DawkinsMTA

Irrational Fan Week: Oblique Strategies Guide to Coaching


Oblique Strategies was the creative problem solving deck invented by Brian Eno and although it’s made its mark in the fringes of music throughout the years, it’s never been lumped into defining the 2014-15 season of NBA coaches. Until now…


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The Losers of this Card – Brad Stevens, Jason Kidd, Byron Scott, Jacque Vaughn, Brett Brown,Mike Malone & Flip Saunders

The Winner of this Card – Jeff Hornacek

The Maybe of this Card – Frank Vogel

The Celtics, Bucks, Magic, Sixers, Twolves and to a lesser extent the Kings have iffy lineups. The Kings drove out Isaiah Thomas for Darren Collison and although finding players to get along with Boogie might be an issue, he’s clearly the number one option on that team and they can’t find guys to play along with him yet. The ceiling is still the floor for young teams like the Bucks, Magic, Sixers and Wolves. The Celtics are in braintrust limbo, but apparently have their PG of the future in Marcus Smart.

Frank Vogel still has David West and Roy Hibbert, but players 3-15 are a giant shrug. It’s not his fault, Paul George will be back from injury at some point, but at the most not even this year, so he has to find ways to get some wins on that team, or join the Tank Rank and try and grab an actually good point guard to set up George.

Jeff Hornacek gets this card not for his coaching, but his choices. On paper he has three guards that play almost identically, but the schemes he’s using are good and that team is back to being a fan favorite that are worth staying up for.

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The Losers of this Card: Mike Budenholzer, Lionel Hollins, Brian Shaw, Stan Van Gundy, Kevin McHale, Dave Joerger, Terry Stotts, & Quin Snyder.

The Hawks, Nets, Nuggets, Pistons, Rockets, Grizzlies, Trail Blazers and Jazz are still without one particular piece to really get going. The Jazz are on the low end of this, their expectations are still low, but they just jumbled a bunch of money into wings and appear to be losing Enes Kanter to restricted free agency this summer. The Nuggets have some established stuff, but are lacking the deadshot game killer to put the game on their back and end it. Same goes for the Hawks, but they’re ascending out of that if everyone can stay healthy. The Nets are just lacking depth and scoring in droves, while teams like the Grizz, Blazers, Pistons and Rockets are just down an extra something. The Pistons are down extra something by a lot, but there’s just a piece of the team that doesn’t add up yet.

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The Losers of this Card – Randy Wittman, Dwane Casey, Derek Fisher & Erik Spoelstra.

The Winners of this Card – Rick Carlisle, Steve Kerr, Tom Thibodeau & Steve Clifford.

In off season moves, the Mavericks added some great guard depth, the Bulls added probably two of the best new shooters, the Hornets added a game leader/closer in Lance Stephenson and The Dubs added some unproven yet exciting leadership by adding Steve Kerr as a coach.

Whereas the Wizards went to add to interior depth, but lost out on perimeter defense, the Raptors solidified their core, but only added a small piece while the rest of the East re-loaded. The Heat are without their former star, and signed Bosh as their max contract guy but won’t be able to make up the production of James with Danny Granger and Josh McRoberts (both of whom are already injured). And the Knicks keep Knicking, looking to impliment a system onto a bunch of players who will take iso jumpers all day.

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The Loser of this Card: Scott Brooks

The Winners of this Card: Doc Rivers, David Blatt and Gregg Popovich.

Brooks had this card thrust upon him with Durant and Westbrook both going down and now he has to draw up schemes for Perry Jones to win games. The weird thing is it’s almost working, so maybe he should get bumped into the winner circle for this.

The Clips get this with Doc Rivers trying to shape the young crew into players we never thought we would see. Blake Griffin as a jump shooter and DeAndre Jordan as defensive wizard were just dreams in the eye of no one, because who would be perverse enough to think of that? Doc Rivers that’s who.

It’s hard to believe that LeBron coming back to Cleveland would be a destructive force, but you do actually have to coach him. Couple that with the numerous new moving pieces, how to get everyone touches, the pesky interior protection weakness, etc. But you still win when you have King James.

Popovich has had the Finals wins, but as the age is running on the core of Duncan, Ginobli and Parker, the fans have baited breath to see if they can finally get that back-to-back. The Spurs cool approach to pressure might have them not sweating it for a minute, but we’ll be clutching our pearls enough for the rest of them.

Irrational Fan Week: Ladies & Gentlemen, The Clown Show has been put on hiatus for Retooling


Yes the season is but a twinkle in the eye of the year, but it’s Irrational Fan Week, so here are the things we’re already writing off-

Cancel the Season

LA Lakers, Orlando Magic, Philadelphia 76ers

These teams have a future, but for right now, they’re clogging up the works with ugly. Sure an occasional Nerlens Noel block, or Elfrid Payton getting gazelle like on a fast break is good, but most nights this will be a slow burning barge down the flaming East River.

Put on Hiatus until later in the year

Utah Jazz, Detroit Pistons, Oklahoma City Thunder, Minnesota Timberwolves, Indiana Pacers, Milwaukee Bucks

For a couple of these teams it’s injury related. The Pacers are without their star, and are just biding time, where the Thunder can’t keep a team on the floor without them imploding. For the Pistons, Jazz, Wolves and Bucks, it’s more that the pieces are there, though very unfinished, so they could use some more time on the back end to get ready for the Fall season. Sure they might sneak in as a replacement after the holidays and get a cult following, the chances are low on these teams, so a little re-tooling wouldn’t do any harm.

Renew for another season

Dallas Mavericks, Sacramento Kings, LA Clippers, Chicago Bulls, Miami Heat

Yes we are still in the Small Sample Size Theater, but the Mavs, Kings and Bulls have already upped their Umph factor. After four games, Brandan Wright of the Mavs has a PER of 33.6. Boogie Cousins is getting 22 and 10 and Blake Griffin has developed a jump shot. We all want to see more of this.The Bulls also reloaded and although the Heat lost LeBron James, the Chris Bosh era has seen him in prime Toronto form. Keep em around for at least two more years.




Irrational Fan Week: The Mark E Smith Instant Reaction Guide

Mark E Smith, the grizzlied singer of The Fall, has one of best faces for expression, so what other way to examine all 30 NBA teams instant starts than with the faces of Mark E Smith? Strap your boots on, turn up this video of the full album of Hex Education Hour and have a drink.

Los Angeles Lakers


Philadelphia 76ers


Utah Jazz


Orlando Magic


Oklahoma City Thunder


Detroit Pistons


Denver Nuggets


Milwaukee Bucks


New Orleans Pelicans


Indiana Pacers


Minnesota Timberwolves


Boston Celtics


San Antonio Spurs


Charlotte Hornets


Phoenix Suns


Atlanta Hawks


Dallas Mavericks


Cleveland Cavaliers


Los Angeles Clippers


Brooklyn Nets


Sacramento Kings


Washington Wizards


Portland Trailblazers


New York Knicks


Golden State Warriors


Chicago Bulls


Houston Rockets


Toronto Raptors


Memphis Grizzlies


Miami Heat




The Red Shirt Theory: Northwest Division

Here’s the recap of the genesis of the Red Shirt Theory. Now we’re covering the Northwest division.

Utah Jazz

Diante Garrett. 1048 minutes in 71 games and he managed a 21.7 turnover percentage. 3.5 points, 1.4 rebounds and 1.7 assists per game. So not only did Garrett not do much in his 14.8 minutes per game, but also turned the ball over over 1/5th of his handles. The Jazz were crazy bad last year even though they have a young promising lineup, but if Garrett is eating up that many bench minutes, they won’t exit the cellar for a while.

NBA: Preseason-Denver Nuggets at Los Angeles Lakers

Photo credit: rantsports

Denver Nuggets

Darrell Arthur. A PER of 9.4 in 68 games. He had the second worst Offensive Win Share of the team with -0.5. 5.9 points and 3.1 rebounds per game. His FG percentage was 39.5%. Arthur was in his fourth year out of the pedigree college of University of Kansas, but those numbers on a poor team like the Nuggets were hard to hide.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Alexey Shved. The Twolves guard who was once famously told by teammate Ricky Rubio to “Put a smile on your face” had little to smile about last year. He had a 10.2 PER with a 32.1 FG% and an average of only 4.0 points per game. Shved was highly touted as another European prospect supposed to take off in the NBA, but so far, has not even taken off his warmups in an effective manner yet.

Portland Trailblazers

Joel Freeland. 52 games, but no starts, and in 14 minutes a game, averaged 3.3 points a game. His FG average was 47.5% but he only averaged 3.1 attempts a game. Being a backup will get you some limited time, and being behind Robin Lopez probably didn’t help. But Freeland could learn a few things from Sideshow Rob.

NBA: Houston Rockets at Oklahoma City Thunder Photo credit: sbnation

Kendrick Perkins. Oh Perk. The Thunder lost in the Western Conference Finals and were derided all playoffs by Scott Brooks insistence of using Kendrick Perkins. His ineffectiveness on the floor lead to a 6.3 PER. He had 8.8 points, 12.7 boards, but also 7.4 fouls and 3.7 turnovers. His OWS was -0.9 and DWS 1.7. For a team without much depth behind Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant, the fact that Perkins was allowed to be on the starting five is a poor showing by Scott Brooks. And it seems he’ll be back next year!