Category Archives: Your Guide to NBA Noise

Rajon Rondo’s End of Days and his Ipod

Rajon is done in Dallas. He is pulled from the playoff roster, with rumors floating he won’t return in a Dallas uniform ever again. After his ten minute appearance, ESPN had this to say-

… Rondo emerged with headphone buds in his ears and ignored the handful of reporters who attempted to ask him questions as he walked toward the arena’s exits, his eyes never shifting from straight ahead.

So what was he listening to? To tune out the mess of reporters and to stroke the high level of anger and cynicsm running through him needs an appropriate soundtrack. Here’s what I think it was-

Suicide – Frankie Teardrop

The harrowing tale of a struggling Vietnam vet is both consuming and creepy. What better way to fuel your alienation on your own team than some Martin Rev?

Throbbing Gristle – What a Day

Genesis P-orridge nails the feeling of a bad day, backed by the cohorts of TG pounding it out in their weird fashion. Is there a player more probable to be a Throbbing Gristle fan than Rondo?

Blue Humans – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoIWSKHcvUU

Maybe Rondo needs something a bit more uplifting so he’ll go to the free jazz catalog of noted Ed Wood scholar (no, seriously) Rudolph Gray.

Fetty Wap – Trap Queen

I mean, duh. This song is great.

 

 

Your Guide to NBA Noise: The All Drone Metal Team

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Drone Metal, the popular yet elusive branch of metal that reaches into the cranium of the most stoned hesher on the block as well as the hipster elite. It’s a slow and mesmerizing turn of traditional metal that begs for your attention all the while keeping you locked in its trance.

Point Guard

Andre Miller

Probably the most astute basketball observation I ever made about Andrew Wiggins was that Andre Miller was his opposite in speed. It looked like someone aged Wiggins and gave him a bunch of lean and left him on the court.

Shooting Guard

James Harden

He is not without a quick step to get past a defender, but the Beard stands so still on defense it brings his speed average down. He also deceptively has a lot of fast break points, but when you’re already heading back towards the offensive end before the play is over, that will happen.

Small Forward

Paul Pierce

The Truth likes his spots and hits them, one of the better shooters to be in the NBA, but Pierce has never been much of a hustler. Even watching him in his twilight years, the speed in which Pierce moves seems to be Youtube clips in Paulstretch.

Power Forward

Zach Randolph

Zbo in the post is enough to put the average NBA fan in a deep K hole. Being a lynchpin in a Grizzlies offense that had the worst Pace in the league last means the ball stops when it comes into his hands. And that ball generally never gets out of his mitts, meaning you get to watch him take 10-20 seconds of the shot clock setting up his post moves and banging his opponent into oblivion.

Center

Roy Hibbert

Georgtown center Pedigree means Hibbert was meant to go slow, bang into people and grab boards.Couple that with a frame over seven-feet tall and 278 pounds, the most athletic I remember seeing Hibbert last year was when he tried to drag Lance Stephenson across the court when Lance started to pout.