Category Archives: KD2TwinPeaks

Ghoulie Boullez: KD2TwinPeaks Pt 5


Kevin looks to leave the Double R Diner, James Hurley is sullen and boring him, so he finally just stands up to leave. As he turns, an entire piece of cherry pie hits him in the chest. He realizes he has bumped into a waitress. She has a look of horror on her face and she stares at the pie stuck to Durant’s shirt.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, sir,” she says.

“It’s okay, accidents happen,” he says a little frustrated.

“Here, let me get that for you,” she says as she peels back the pie from his shirt like it’s a sticker stuck to a wall. “Don’t worry about your bill. Oh, you didn’t order anything.”

“I was just meeting a friend,” he turns to James, who has his t shirt pulled over his head but you can hear him quietly crying. Durant sighs.

“Why don’t you let me buy you a cup of coffee,” the waitress says, as she is already leading him to the counter.

Kevin pulled up and was instantly rewarded with a slice of pie and a cup of coffee. He sipped to be polite, but he was anxious to figure out what One Eyed Jacks was.

“So, you must be the new basketball player. I’m Shelly Johnson. Do you like it in Twin Peaks so far?”

“Yeah, it’s just…I’ve been looking for someone,” he said. “This coffee is fine..damn fine.”

“Looking? For a girl?”

“It’s not like that. But it’s a girl. Say, do you know this place One Eyed Jacks?”

“You shouldn’t be looking for girls at One Eyed Jacks. That place is nothing but trouble.”

“I figured, but how would I get there?”

“You have to take a boat down the river, it’s in Canada. But I’m telling you….”

Shelly disappears into the back of the diner. Kevin looks at the pie, which smells delicious. “You’ll have to burn this off by tonight, Kev,” he says to himself as he forked a mouthful.

The bell of the door rang, but Kevin was too busy eating to pay attention. He feels the presence of someone sitting next to him at the counter. He turns to see an older woman, wearing a large cardigan sweater. Her glasses are huge and her hair is cut short. He almost doesn’t notice that she is holding a log. They both slowly look each other up and down.

She looks away from him and says very clearly “One day my log will have something to say about this.”

Ghoulie Boullez: KD2TwinPeaks Pt 4


Kevin Durant is driving down the road to the Double R Diner. He is set to meet James Hurley. Hurley is his teammate and seems to know something about Laura, but has been reticent to tell anything to Durant. He finally got James to agree to meet him, far away from the confines of the Lumberjacks facilities.

Kevin pulls into the parking lot of the Double R and impatiently walks in, scanning for James. He sees a spiky haircut shooting out from a head lying on a table and goes over to him.

“Hey James,” Durant says. James shoots his head up, his lower lip is jutting out and he has his resting pout face on again.

“Kevin,” he trembles. “Do you ever wish you could just get away?”

“James are you always like this? Tell me about Laura.”

“I was in love with her once and she broke my heart.”

“Is that why you’re like this?”

“Like what?”

No wonder she dumped your mopey-ass, Durant thought to himself.

“So what happened to her? I really want to get this ball back to her.”

“She got mixed up in the wrong crowd. Started to hang around One Eyed Jacks.”

“One Eyed Jacks? What’s that?”

“I don’t know, my uncle doesn’t let me hang around there.”

“James,” Durant said. “You’re even weirder then Russell.”

Ghoulie Boullez Week: KD2TwinPeaks Pt 3


Kevin Durant walks into the empty practice court of the Twin Peaks Lumberjacks. Durant is holding Laura Palmer and soaking in the new look to his life. A door swings open and a janitor is pushing a mop bucket onto the court. The janitor doesn’t look at Durant, he is trying to sheild something from him and it takes a minute for Durant to realize that the janitor only has one arm.

Finally the doors burst open and the team comes onto the court, almost all of them rush Durant and start to talk to him, while the coach comes in behind, quietly.

“Nice to have you with us, Kevin. I’m Coach Harry Truman, this here is my assistant, Hawk. We don’t really understand why you chose this rag tag outfit for your new home, but we sure are glad to have you.”

Durant smiles and nods while the coach talks, but he feels an intense pressure to speak. He looks up and sees the janitor is now staring at him. Coach Truman notices his face and turns to see what’s going on.

“Oh, that’s just Mike. He cleans up around here. Say, what’cha got there?” Coach Truman motions towards Laura Palmer.

Durant pulls the ball back in a protective reflex.

“I found this on my way here, I think it belongs to a girl named Laura,” Durant says.

A strange hush comes over the team and Coach Truman and Hawk look to the ground uncomfortably.

“What? Do you know Laura?” Durant asks.

“I know Laura,” a sullen voice from the ground rises.

“Kevin, I’d like you to meet your starting point guard, James Hurley.”



Ghoulie Boullez Week: KD2TwinPeaks Pt 2


Kevin Durant is driving down the highway to Twin Peaks. The road is empty except for the shadow of trees. He turns to his portable mp3 recorder and starts:

“Diane, I am headed to Twin Peaks. I am expected to be a starter on the upstart team, but there seems to be something strange in this town. I don’t know why I am drawn to play here, this isn’t the best option for me. I also don’t know anyone named Diane. And who uses these mp3 recorders?”

He gets the urge to turn off the road onto a small clearing. It is fenced in with a plaque reading “Pete Martell Memorial Fishin Spot”. Durant walks closer to the water and sees something out of the corner of his eye. The wind kissed the plastic lying on the beach. Durant decided to investigate. As he got closer a sense of dread crept over him and even though his brain told him to stop, he pushed through.

He grabbed a corner of the tarp and pulled it back slowly. The skin had bumps all over it, the color was faded, the lines dark and old. Parts of it had withered and started to look like an old pumpkin. He reached down and pulled up a basketball. He inspected it in his hand, looking on all sides. In a faded scrawl across one portion read the name “Laura”.

A rustle startled Kevin and brought him back. He saw a kid on a bicycle at the top of the fishing spot clearing.

“Hey!” The kid yelled. “I like the way you palm that ball!”

“Palm, palm,” Durant started to mumble. He looked down at the ball again and saw her name. “Laura..Palm. Laura Palmer.”

KD2TwinPeaks: Part 1


Kevin Durant is in a red curtained room. A bald man, Adam Silver, is speaking, but Kevin can’t hear any word that he is saying.

Soft jazz music is playing. He hears fingers make a snap and sitting in front of him is a blond woman and a little person. The little person gets up and starts to dance in a jerky motion that reminds him of the way that Russell Westbrook dances.

The blond woman whispers to him “Two years. Twin Peaks.”

2016. Durant is sitting at a podium, the air is tense with anticipation. Durant is the second most coveted player in the NBA is a free agent and this is his first chance at being a free agent. Will he stay with the only team he’s ever known in Oklahoma City? Will he return home to join the Washington Wizards? Will he join another big market contender in Los Angeles or New York?

Durant steps up to the microphone, invokes his MVP acceptance speech and says
“Twin Peaks, you the real MVP.”

The crowd erupts into a complete meltdown. People are shouting, cheering and crying. Somewhere a baby starts to erupt into tears but there are no children anywhere in sight of the press conference.

Twin Peaks, Washington was awarded an expansion franchise in 2015, anticipating the large bump in the television contract, the NBA wanted to cover their media bases. After the Supersonics left Seattle for Oklahoma City, the Pacific Northwest was without an NBA franchise. That was corrected when Twin Peaks won a surprise bid to gain a franchise. Even though the town itself is small, it has some powerful finacial backers, even though their backgrounds seem to be a bit shady.

And so the Twin Peaks Lumberjacks were born. They struggled through their first season, but now with KD on board, they were immediately projected to be in the NBA finals.

Durant leaves his press conference and falls back into a chair in the dressing room. His hands were still shaking and he could feel the sweat pour onto his suit.

“Finally,” he thought. “These nightmares can finally be over.”