Category Archives: Jodorowsky’s Team

Jodorowsky’s Team: Utah Jazz

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Noted Surrealist Film Director Alejandro Jodorowsky has provided notes to Dennis Lindsey on how to get the most out of his players this off-season.

Trevor Booker – “Use food from a cookbook that only exists in the mind of a child.”

Trey Burke – “Try using accupuncture, but without needles.”

Alec Burks – “The lettuce is calling. Do not pick up.”

Derrick Favors – “Decide you’re a Lifesaver candy, which flavor are you?”

Gordon Hayward “Your girlfriend JUST got out of high school? Bruh…”

Enes Kanter – “I’m sure those kids gave you a terrible nickname, embrace it this year.”

Steve Novak – “You’re spirit animal is an empty box of tissues.”

Dante Exum – “Does your shot turn around the rim in the other direction?”

Quin Snyder – “Glorious hair. Glorious hair. Let your hair sing the song.”

 

Jodorowsky’s Team: Denver Nuggets

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Noted Surrealist Film Director Alejandro Jodorowsky has provided notes to Tim Connelly on how to get the most out of his players this off-season.

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Wilson Chandler – “Seduce Medusa by looking her right in the eye.”

Randy Foye – “Who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew? You can. You can.”

Darrell Arthur – “Shave the stars off your face.”

Ty Lawson – “Your body is made of micro machines. Oil them with the blood of your dreams.”

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Danilo Gallinari – “You are a clown in a world without laughter.”

JaVale McGee – “When you are on the court, try and stop all the music.”

Timofey Mozgov – “If you’re knees are oatmeal, be brown sugar.”

Arron Afflalo – “You are still magic, you turn Orlando into gold.”

Brian Shaw – “Try not to alienate everyone this year.”

Jodorowsky’s Team: Golden State Warriors

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Noted Surrealist Film Director Alejandro Jodorowsky has provided notes to Bob Myers on how to get the most out of his players this off-season.

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Steph Curry “There is no line like the lines in your hand. Cut off your hand to reach heaven.”

Klay Thompson “There is no maze in heaven, so follow the maze here on earth.”

David Lee“You are a concept in a rabbits eye.”

Andrew Bogut“There’s a factory that will build you exactly what you want, but only what you wanted a year ago.”

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Andre Iguodala“Captain Kirk! Ccccaaaapppttttaaaiiinnn Kiiiiirrrrkkkk!”

Harrison Barnes“You woke up water. You will never sleep again.”

Shaun Livingston“Open house. You are the center of a never used fireplace.”

Jermaine O’Neal“Sing in the theater in a backwards voice.”

 

Jodorowsky’s Team: Boston Celtics

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Noted Surrealist Film Director Alejandro Jodorowsky has provided notes to Danny Ainge on how to get the most out of his players this off-season.

Kelly Olynyk“Find a turtle, watch him give birth to the universe.”

Gerald Wallace“Become cardboard.”

Brandon Bass“Make a starfish your wife, wear her like a crown on your groin.”

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Avery Bradley “Find the monster, are you the monster? Find the mirror, are you the mirror? Monster-Mirror. Repeat.”

Tyler Zeller “Enjoy the fireworks of your mind, but do not set the fuse. You are the match.”

Rajon Rondo “Liberate your mystic self that you drowned as a child. Give him a balloon, watch him fly, then shoot the balloon.”

Marcus Smart“You were a cowboy. You are now an elbow.”

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