Episode 27 – If You’re Reading This…

Is it too late for the Toronto Raptors? The Drakes go streaky, capable of great scoring and have some big weaknesses. Sonic collages and Brian Eno abound!

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The Practice of Loving Wizness

The Washington Wizards have lost 5 out of their last 8 heading into the All Star break. This shouldn’t be a time for panic , but the loses were ugly and couldn’t be blamed on missing personnel or a significant injury. The team just looks bad and with their decline and the rising recent wins of the Cleveland Cavaliers, they’re now tied for third in the Eastern Conference. So how can fans cope with their team slithering down the drain? A spiritual bookstore in Tacoma Park has elected a modified Loving Kindness prayer to specifically address the foils of the Wizards.

1) Awaken loving-Wizness for yourself.
“Although we have encountered many losses and the offense looks like hot trash, we still have John Wall and (occasionally) Bradley Beal in order to heal us.”

2) Awaken it for someone for whom you spontaneously feel unequivocal goodwill and tenderness.
“May Paul Pierce and Nene enjoy loving-Wizness and the root of loving-Wizness.”

3) Awaken loving-Wizness for someone slightly more distant.
“I see you Rasual Butler, Andre Miller and Otto Porter. Although your seasons have been up and down and we don’t always get to see you, you are always in our thoughts of loving-Wizness.”

4) Awaken loving-Wizness for someone about whom you feel neutral or indifferent.
“Hey Martell Webster, Drew Gooden III and DeJuan Blair, although you have as many DNP’s as I do, I still send you loving-Wizness, cause you’re part of the #squad.”

5) Awaken loving-Wizness for someone you find difficult of offensive.
“May Randy Wittman receive lovi-Oh my god dude, you’re down to 4 minutes left in the fourth after giving up a double-digit lead and you’ve got DeJuan Blair and Otto Porter on the floor and we’re supposed to believe it’s because your bench was depleted? Only people who didn’t dress were Drew Gooden and Kevin Seraphin, but nooooo, keep plugging away with Blair who is an offensive void and sit Kris Humphries who could actually get to the foul line at least….”
Do you feel better?
“Kind of, yeah. Should I try that again?”
“May Randy Wittman receive lovi-And another thing, I know the team has John Wall and all, but maybe call for another play to end a half court scheme besides ‘John goes ISO and everyone else just hang around.’ Would it kill you to do that? Anything at all? Oh and again with long twos?”
Okay. You think you got it all out of your system?
“I think so. I’ll try it again. May Randy Wittman receive loving-Wizness as long as he doesn’t screw everything up and the Wizards can at least beat the Cavs in the playoffs.”

At the end of the practice, drops the words, drop the wishes and simply come back to the nonconceptual simplicity that Kevin Durant might sign here in 2016.

NBA Weekly Grades for Week Ending February 8th

A weekly wrap up of who did what this week and how good or bad they did it.

Russell Westbrook against the Pelicans

Grade Bird Killer

Russ only put up 40 points twice this season, but in two games against the New Orleans Pelicans he put up 45 and 48 points. The first game, on Wednesday, Westbrook shot 58%, had 6 rebounds, and 6 assists in a 102-91 win. Two nights later, the Thunder hosted the Pels and Westbrook shot 53%, with 9 rebounds and 11 assists, but OKC lost 116-113, in part because Anthony Davis scored 41 points. Russell should just open up shop in New Orleans if he loves the Pelicans so much.


Giannis Antetokounmpo

Grade A Tweet filled with Fire Emoji’s

The Greek Freak is Twitter’s Favorite Player, but his season has been all over the place. His scoring is a schizophrenic diagram of consistency, but this week he had his two best scoring nights. In a 113-105 victory over the Lakers, Giannis had 25 points, 6 rebounds, 2 blocks on 71.4% shooting.  It was his highest scoring game of the season, until two nights later.

In the 117-111 loss to the Rockets, Giannis scored 27 points, 15 rebounds, 4 assists, a block and shot 68.8%. This was also the first week where his scoring held up in double digits for a whole week. The Bucks continue their surprising run in the east, and although they probably won’t break the bank in the playoffs, a series appearance without Jabari Parker and The Greak Freek getting up there will lockdown that franchise for cool things in the future.

Washington Wizards

Grade Witt-meh

Things are not going well in Wizards land. The Wizards lost three straight to start the week, coupling with the two straight losses to end the week previously. The Wiz lost twice to the Charlotte Hornets in four days, sandwiching a loss from the Atlanta Hawks. The Wizards offense has stalled, their lineups are head scratching and fans are starting to panic. With a dip in their performance and Cleveland’s big turn upwards, they line between them becomes blurred. The Wizards got a boost from beating the Nets on Saturday night, but their holes are now out in the open for teams to see.


Los Angeles Clippers

Grade NBA Asshole Association Named Them Player of the Week

Put aside the fact that they dropped three straight games, dropping them to the 6th seed in the competitive western division, but the string of technicals called during the loss to the Cavs, Chris Paul dropped some nonsense. Complaining about the call, CP3 said “If that’s the case, this might not be for her.” Crappy divisive comment, no one complained about techs delivered by male refs by demeaning their performance. Couple this with Blake Griffin’s weird forced blowjob “joke” against a team trainer, and this team has turned in a giant pile of human turds.