Trip Metal Guide to the NBA Eastern Conference

Trip Metal is the nebulous growing force, littering the underground with implied confusion. But if you follow the TM on twitter one diversion tactic is the invention of new micro-genres. And what better way to understand every NBA team than a specific genre for them? First I go in on the Eastern Conferece from worst to first.

New York Knicks

Ambient Vacuum Cleaner

They’re expensive and they suck.

Philadelphia 76ers


It’s hyper-regional

Orlando Magic

Folk Pinstripe

It’s like pinstripes, but different.


Boston Celtics

Venture Capitalist Core

Stock Pile Assets! (chugga breakdown)

Detroit Pistons

Smoove Free Zone

Circa Christmas 2014 till present

Indiana Pacers

Vaping in a Parking Lot Waiting to Leave This Town Core

Larry Bird ain’t walking into that parking lot

Charlotte Hornets

90’s Starter Jacket

The Pride is Back


Brooklyn Nets

Russian Cocaine

This even goes meta once Prokorov said he was gonna sell.

Miami Heat

Ostrich Programming

This Bosh Town!

Cleveland Cavaliers

4th Wave Beach Boys

Sea Captain Hats are not optional

Milwaukee Bucks

Greek Paul Stretch

He’s European? You probably haven’t heard of him.


Chicago Bulls

Windy City Endurance

40 Minutes A Night Or Die

Toronto Raptors

Drake Goth

Started From the Bottom of the Division

Washington Wizards

Wall of John

Linked Arms. True Hearts. Can’t Lose.

Atlanta Hawks

Dirty Bird

Bring the Swagger back



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