Mother of PER: Appreciation in Song Parody


After regailing Randy Whittman with an Oblique Strategy in this weeks podcast, I dug out an old idea and made it come to fruition. The lyrical parody of Roxy Music’s “Mother of Pearl” into “Mother of PER”. In case you need reminding, here’s the Roxy Music version-

Mother of PER

Well, I’ve been up all night again

Shooting effectively is too much fun

Then I step back jumpers

Of life’s inner defenses and my latest fling


It’s the same old story

All three points and glory, it’s a pantomime

If you’re looking for baskets

In a backboard glass world

It’s pretty hard to find


Oh, mother of PER

I wouldn’t trade you

For another stat

Divine intervention

Always reference intention

So I take my time


I’ve been looking for buckets

I’ve always wanted was never mine

But now I’ve seen that basket

Just out of reach glowing very Holy grail


Oh mother of PER

Lustrous lady of a sacred stat

Thus even Zaza Pachulia

Another time loser could believe in you


With every point guard a let down

Every idol a bring down, it gets your shot down

But the search for perfection

Your own predilection

Goes on and on and on and on


Canadian Club love

But no throwing bottles

Everyone’s ideal

But you are my Vitor Faverani

And a place in your lineup, dear

Makes me feel more real


Oh, mother of PER

I wouldn’t change you

For the whole stat world

You’re highbrow, holy

With lots of useage rates

Minutes played shimmering


Seraphin sleekness

Was always my weakness

Like a simple turnover rate

But no dilettante, filigree Fab Melo

Beats the plastic you


Career Girl Cody Zeller

Exposed and another

Slips right into VORP

Oh, looking for buckets

In a backboard glass world

Is pretty hard for you


Few throwaway passes

The boomerang misses

Spins round and round the hoop

Flop on featherbed quilted

Faced with silk nets

Softly stuffed Elfrid Payton down


Take refuge in full court pressure

Just give me your future

We’ll forget your past


Oh, Mother of PER

Sub 500 shooter

In a shrinking world

Oh, lonely shooter

Your choker provokes

A picture posterized


Oh, Mother of PER

So so semi iso

In your detached world

Oh, Mother of PER

I wouldn’t trade you

For another stat


Oh, Mother of PER

I wouldn’t trade you for another stat (x6)

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