Dear Under Armour,
Sorry to hear Kevin Durant turned you down to stay with Nike. That’s a rough blow. But if you’re looking for another Maryland native to sign for endorsement, I will nominate myself for such a role.
Also a Maryland native
Exempting the nine-months I lived in Charleston, South Carolina after college, I’ve never left the residency of Maryland. Even for college I went to a school outside of Baltimore. No, not that one, one of the shitty ones.
Familiarity with your company
My friend Magda did data analysis for you guys for a while, and at a passover dinner I met a girl who works in the AOL office that shares a building with you guys. Want to talk about how weird it is that AOL is still around?
Look I know you were offering KD a lot of money, and I don’t need that much. Honestly I don’t even need half that. Maybe a quarter of that, but looking more at a third.
I am not athletic nor famous
But hey, you’ve got less than 1% of the shoe market locked up. Why not take a chance?
To make meetings at your Locust Point office, I will require a boat ride
I’ve done it before, it only takes a couple of minutes. You guys can join in!
I’m not gonna do a lot of promotion, I’ll tell you that much. Can I do it from Skype?